Like a Mouse Without Cheese

Overall, Ellie seems to be managing well. She's getting lots of attention from her sisters (including today's photo shoot done by Addison), lots of time outside (including being the most amazing, focused helper with pulling weeds and planting flowers) and regular FaceTime learning and connection with her grandparents. But she misses Ms. Burnett, Lynnie, and being with her friends (especially Kinney). We try not to talk too much about the pandemic but the other night as we were snuggling for bed she wondered when the "coronavirus" would be over, tears shedding down her face, explaining, "I can't believe it's been a month since hugging my friends. Mom, it's like a mouse going a month without eating cheese!"

Tough to realize she knows the correct name of the disease and that she lays in bed thinking about these types of things, but I'm glad she has the words cuz I sure don't!

I Could Sleep Like This All Night

I can't believe I haven't written since September 2018, and yet I can. Life is full with wonderful chosen pursuits and also the unexpected challenges. It may not be a coincidence that September 2018 is when Charting Careers began operating as its own nonprofit. I was deliberate in 2016 about feeling ready to actively volunteer again and not feel too comfortable in attending to the needs of just my own family. But, wow, this nonprofit journey has had lots of twists and turns that have demanded 5+ hours more a week than I wished.

I think I am getting back on a more balanced path. But I also remind myself of what my friend Caro says, balance is a verb as much as a noun. I strive for it and I tell myself that matters.

Tonight was one of those parenting nights that could have gone smoother. Questioning myself-- am I being too harsh or am I tackling the things that need to be tackled? Am I grumpy or do I need to work on these things with my kids. The answer kept changing.

My back was feeling good and I picked Ellie up like a baby in her towel after her bath and cradled her. Without words, it reminded us both of when she was a baby. She started matching her breathing to mine and mine to hers. I vividly remember when she was around 6 months old helping her get to sleep this way. And we sat in silence without awkwardness, eyes connected. "Mama", she says, "I could stay like this all night." The connection was so real. I'll put this in my pocket and it will last me for a very long time.

Love
Me